Today in Australia and New Zealand it is ANZAC day.

Many people rose pre dawn and made their way to dawn ceremonies, as per the ‘…at the going down of the sun and in the morning we will remember them.’

Many mothers and others bake ANZAC cookies – I was going to make a variation of these, ANZAC muffins, but I have not done so. I am battling on another front, as a few days ago I became aware that I was slipping into depression. Actually I had slipped.  I have a pre disposition to this and when I was young – I was first diagnosed at 15 – my (now deceased)  mother would observe that I was sleeping during the day. Sometimes I can catch myself before I have descended far, but this time it was preceded by a 4 day migraine so I missed the signals.

Curled up asleep in the middle of Sunday I heard my mother’s voice ask the question about my being asleep in the middle of the day. Within an hour I was up and dressed and actively engaged in a task from my To Do list.

Knowing, recognising and being diagnosed is not an instant cure. Do not think it is.  Neither think there is nothing that can be done, for there is much. It often takes a combination of approaches.

There is hope. There is always hope. 

I was fortunate enough, a few years back, to have a professional teach me how to catch the descent – during non migraine conditions – and even more important how to pull myself up.

Many things cause and resolve depression. You need to see your local Dr and work onwards from there to find what is the trigger for you and what is the best path through. If you have suicidal thoughts YOU MUST CALL SOMEONE NOW.  Just call and say I can’t be alone, I am frightened what I might do please come now. I have done this. The person was startled but she came. She sat, I cried. Time passed. The crisis eased. I felt safer. We worked out what I could do.

For me it is not a permanent state. It comes and goes. Mostly there are years between visitations. The experience at 15 resolved and then returned worse at 17. That was a heavy duty encounter with what Churchill referred to as The Black Dog. 

source via pinterest

this is what depression feels like

I notice that I have become better at informing people around me that I have slipped into depression. I refer to it that way as it is not a choice I feel I am consciously making, and certainly not one I want, thus for me, I feel I slip into it. But I stride out.

My eating and sleeping becomes erratic. My concentration and thinking are not at the best.  (this time I needed to ask a couple of simple clarifications as I uploaded music into my iTunes. I began my request with the statement, ‘you may not be aware but I am struggling with depression at the moment….’ There was no fuss just the help I asked for. My social interactions become difficult. Others often don’t notice but I do.

This time I have tried a different approach. I have given myself permission to be depressed. I am fairly sure I have worked out what the trigger was beyond the migraine and I have sought to regiment my days. I am deliberately undertaking interesting tasks at the very time I want to sleep. I allow myself to sleep before or after. I am checking off the things I achieve during the day. Thus my self talk has been positive, affirmative and uplifting.

I am eating when I am hungry. I am eating small, and healthy.

Smiling is good to do however sometimes it is very hard to do while depressed. Fear and sorrow are different things.

Remember you are not alone. Check out this

List of people with major depressive disorder

 Sometimes we stumble, sometimes we even fall….we feel lost, with nothing to hold onto, sometimes a prayer will do…but go see your Dr also.


UPDATE: In the AZ Challenge – T, U and V are published. 

front page image via Pinterest under the phrase Depression – from Yahoo images.