Today in Australia and New Zealand it is ANZAC day.
Many people rose pre dawn and made their way to dawn ceremonies, as per the ‘…at the going down of the sun and in the morning we will remember them.’
Many mothers and others bake ANZAC cookies – I was going to make a variation of these, ANZAC muffins, but I have not done so. I am battling on another front, as a few days ago I became aware that I was slipping into depression. Actually I had slipped. I have a pre disposition to this and when I was young – I was first diagnosed at 15 – my (now deceased) mother would observe that I was sleeping during the day. Sometimes I can catch myself before I have descended far, but this time it was preceded by a 4 day migraine so I missed the signals.
Curled up asleep in the middle of Sunday I heard my mother’s voice ask the question about my being asleep in the middle of the day. Within an hour I was up and dressed and actively engaged in a task from my To Do list.
Knowing, recognising and being diagnosed is not an instant cure. Do not think it is. Neither think there is nothing that can be done, for there is much. It often takes a combination of approaches.
There is hope. There is always hope.
I was fortunate enough, a few years back, to have a professional teach me how to catch the descent – during non migraine conditions – and even more important how to pull myself up.
Many things cause and resolve depression. You need to see your local Dr and work onwards from there to find what is the trigger for you and what is the best path through. If you have suicidal thoughts YOU MUST CALL SOMEONE NOW. Just call and say I can’t be alone, I am frightened what I might do please come now. I have done this. The person was startled but she came. She sat, I cried. Time passed. The crisis eased. I felt safer. We worked out what I could do.
For me it is not a permanent state. It comes and goes. Mostly there are years between visitations. The experience at 15 resolved and then returned worse at 17. That was a heavy duty encounter with what Churchill referred to as The Black Dog.
this is what depression feels like
I notice that I have become better at informing people around me that I have slipped into depression. I refer to it that way as it is not a choice I feel I am consciously making, and certainly not one I want, thus for me, I feel I slip into it. But I stride out.
My eating and sleeping becomes erratic. My concentration and thinking are not at the best. (this time I needed to ask a couple of simple clarifications as I uploaded music into my iTunes. I began my request with the statement, ‘you may not be aware but I am struggling with depression at the moment….’ There was no fuss just the help I asked for. My social interactions become difficult. Others often don’t notice but I do.
This time I have tried a different approach. I have given myself permission to be depressed. I am fairly sure I have worked out what the trigger was beyond the migraine and I have sought to regiment my days. I am deliberately undertaking interesting tasks at the very time I want to sleep. I allow myself to sleep before or after. I am checking off the things I achieve during the day. Thus my self talk has been positive, affirmative and uplifting.
I am eating when I am hungry. I am eating small, and healthy.
Smiling is good to do however sometimes it is very hard to do while depressed. Fear and sorrow are different things.
Remember you are not alone. Check out this
List of people with major depressive disorder
Sometimes we stumble, sometimes we even fall….we feel lost, with nothing to hold onto, sometimes a prayer will do…but go see your Dr also.
UPDATE: In the AZ Challenge – T, U and V are published.
front page image via Pinterest under the phrase Depression – from Yahoo images.
Of all the problems I’ve encountered on my long journey, depression is the most frustrating. When I lived in the States the solution from my medical practitioners was to throw a pill at it. I’ve tossed the pills, but still not reached the root of the problem. I still can’t pinpoint the factors that trigger the episodes. I’ve finally concluded it’s just one of those things I have to attempt to live with… After some major life changes the episodes don’t seem to be quite as frequent or dark (i.e. no “real” suicidal thoughts), so I reckon that’s a good thing. Thanks for this encouraging post. It’s always good to be reminded one is not alone in this darkness.
Jim, I do agree that often the energy we use to try and figure out why, would in fact be better used to simply manage depression. And going by the list I linked to none of us need ever feel alone, because clearly it strikes all walks of life and has been part of mankind’s experience for many a year. And throwing pills at it is not the way to go. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Kudos to you, Jane for speaking out. I do believe we are predisposed for this “malady.” My brilliant father had it– though we did not know it the time. My beautiful and brilliant daughter first attempted suicide at age age 12, then again at 17, and the last time at 19 (she is a writer!) I don’t ordinarily speak of these things in a public post– but you are putting yourself out there– so can too! And btw, I suffer from it too. Thank you for speaking out!
Thank you Kim. Yes it is a subject that needs to be spoken about more often, and not in the shadows of strange behaviour but acknowledged as a mighty common struggle. Did you check out that list…I was staggered. And comforted. Yes just as migraines have to do with ‘mental brilliance’ so also depression. There is a strange comfort in that. I hope your daughter has found a way through that works for her…and thank you for speaking out also. Big Hugs.
In my opinion, it is very easy to recognize the signs of depression. The tough job is to identify what causes it and how we can deal with those stressors. The hardest one is to how to change the way we perceive things to that we will not slip into depression.